A Blessing, NOT A Curse.

If any of you (althought I doubt it) have been following my blog previously, you would know that I have a slight problem with my nose, and as a consequence have gone through half of my life relatively smell-less.

I don't complain though - especially when I walk past huge drains and rivers and when I am in crowded places. I don't mind that I can't smell my food; I can still taste it so that's OK for me.

I especially appreciate my so-called lackingness (or you could call it my luck) when a patient with infected wound comes to the operation theater for a wound debridement. Everyone around me would complaint about the smell. The foul smell can sometimes be smelt up to the other end of the OT, and some say that the smell sticks to your clothes that unless you change you clothes, you can't get rid of the smell. Someone would run out of the OT to get some perfumed spray. All the other doors will be closed. People will be walking out of the OT trying to put as much distance from the smell as they can. Me, I can just stand there and not react - because to me, there is nothing to react to.

But then, recently, my ENT doctor decided to start me on some (let's call it) miracle pills.I've just been taking it for the past few days and now I can smell. And you know what is one of the first things I smell? A patient's bad breath.

I just don't get it. Can't you brush your teeth if you are sick? I mean I totally understand if you are dying or things like that; but if you are just admitted for an infected eye, for appendicitis or any other minor stuff, can't you just walk to the toilet to brust your teeth? If you can walk to take a leak, I'm sure carrying a toothbrush with you won't be a problem. And can you just have a shower while you are at it? So many people complain about the so-called hospital smell - but can't you see, it's not the hospital that smells, it's the patients who refuse to just practice a little hygiene!!

Please!! Brush you teeth. Especially if you are coming to the OT. It's a closed area with nowhere to escape to. Please be considerate!!

Yes, I can also now smell my shampoo and lotion and food and everything else there is to smell, but then again my thought keeps going back to that moment when the lady opened her mouth the other day. ARGH!!!!

I wish I can write longer, but my brain has just stopped working 'cos I just remembered that I am oncall tomorrow.

Draw up your own conclusions please, can't seem to put my thought to words right now. :)

Good night!!

Happy!

I think I am high.
I don't know why.
It's not that I have a specific reason to be happy today.
It has so far been just another day.
Yes, some good news here and there, but it doesn't really affect me, so why am I high?
Is it cheese overdose (had cheese baked rice earlier)?

But the problem is not in feeling high now; it's what is going to make this euphoria go away?
So far, I have had a few things that happened in my life that has made me feel this way.
Let me give you a few examples.

The first time I did an appendicectomy.
OK, FINE! I didn't do it myself, but I stood where the surgeon was supposed to be standing and I cut the skin and in between I did some stuff (and my MO did a lot of important stuff like finding the appendix and suturing it properly) and at the end I sutured the skin.
By the way, let me assure you, that would be the last appendicectomy I would be doing because there is NO WAY I am going to do surgical.
Anyway, after that appendicectomy, I really felt happy - not because I thought I had what it takes to be a surgeon...it's because my MO trusted me enough to had me the scalpel - and honestly, it felt good.
But the feeling didn't really last that long.
The next morning, something someone said, just a few sentence, took away all the happy feelings. And then, I just felt miserable..and trust me, it's a long way down when you go from euphoria to depression.

Not too long after that, I entered anaest...and I had my first 'high' when I got my first spinal - which lasted until I failed my next spinal.
Thereafter there was a 'high' when I did my first epidural which then went away when (I'm sure you can guess it) I failed my next epidural.

So you see, everytime there is euphoria, one can expect something to bring that feeling to an end.
And now I wonder how my current 'high' is going to end.
I hope it has nothing got to do with my oncall tomorrow.
I hope it has nothing got to do with my life in general.
Let's just hope this feeling goes away by the time I wake up tomorrow just so that I can be relieved (does that make sense at all?).

But then again, shit happens all the time.
We just have to live with it.
*Sigh*

I have to stop crapping now...have to do my taxes or KR is going to 'scold' me. Life can be so hard sometimes...:P

Don't Need These Feelings

It's been a long time.

I actually thought of just closing the whole blog down..I used to like writing because I can blurt whatever I want and complaint without bothering what other people might think. Then I stopped because there are people who might read the blog who might not like what I write - by people I mean my friends and colleagues and relatives and whomever I know.

Now, I just don't care.
WHATEVER.
Read if you want to read.
If you don't like what I say, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN CARE!!!!

Cos, you know what, looks like there are many people out there who just don't care if what they do hurts other people or not. People who don't realize that words and actions have consequences. One wrong move and you can be downgraded from an 'OK friend' to 'someone whom I will never be able to forgive because of what they did'. And in the past few months, I have done quite a number of downgrading. It's OK if you never liked the person from the start, but then it kind of gets to you when you thought you can trust the person and then they let you down like that.

There is this one person who did something to me that made me feel really, really bad - and trust me on this one, I have NEVER EVER done anything bad to this person, mainly because I am not even close to this person. I tried to come up with reasons why he/she did the thing to me but couldn't come up with any acceptable excuse. And since then, whenever I hear this person's name, all I can think is what he/she has done to me and I feel such resentment. But after that, this same person did something really, really nice for someone I am close to and I really feel very grateful to that person. But you know what, the initial resentment I felt, I still couldn't surpress it, no matter how hard I tried. I honestly want to forget the whole thing, but I just can't!!

Another thing that I wanted to get out of my chest.
Recently, I saw in Facebook that it is one of my 'friends' birthday. I am not close to her, we have more of a hi-bye relationship - but I thought, "it's her birthday, why not just wish her".
I went to her page, but found that I couldn't view her wall.
I honestly don't know what her problem is. If you think letting me view your wall is invading your privacy, then just delete me from your facebook friend's list. I really, really, REALLY DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!
And that goes for everyone else in Facebook - rather that blocking me from your NOT AT ALL PRIVATE wall, just delete me from your list.

ARGH!!! I HATE FEELING ANGRY!!!!