Wednesday, March 23, 2011


I think I am high.
I don't know why.
It's not that I have a specific reason to be happy today.
It has so far been just another day.
Yes, some good news here and there, but it doesn't really affect me, so why am I high?
Is it cheese overdose (had cheese baked rice earlier)?

But the problem is not in feeling high now; it's what is going to make this euphoria go away?
So far, I have had a few things that happened in my life that has made me feel this way.
Let me give you a few examples.

The first time I did an appendicectomy.
OK, FINE! I didn't do it myself, but I stood where the surgeon was supposed to be standing and I cut the skin and in between I did some stuff (and my MO did a lot of important stuff like finding the appendix and suturing it properly) and at the end I sutured the skin.
By the way, let me assure you, that would be the last appendicectomy I would be doing because there is NO WAY I am going to do surgical.
Anyway, after that appendicectomy, I really felt happy - not because I thought I had what it takes to be a's because my MO trusted me enough to had me the scalpel - and honestly, it felt good.
But the feeling didn't really last that long.
The next morning, something someone said, just a few sentence, took away all the happy feelings. And then, I just felt miserable..and trust me, it's a long way down when you go from euphoria to depression.

Not too long after that, I entered anaest...and I had my first 'high' when I got my first spinal - which lasted until I failed my next spinal.
Thereafter there was a 'high' when I did my first epidural which then went away when (I'm sure you can guess it) I failed my next epidural.

So you see, everytime there is euphoria, one can expect something to bring that feeling to an end.
And now I wonder how my current 'high' is going to end.
I hope it has nothing got to do with my oncall tomorrow.
I hope it has nothing got to do with my life in general.
Let's just hope this feeling goes away by the time I wake up tomorrow just so that I can be relieved (does that make sense at all?).

But then again, shit happens all the time.
We just have to live with it.

I have to stop crapping now...have to do my taxes or KR is going to 'scold' me. Life can be so hard sometimes...:P

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