Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Thursday, September 17, 2009

As Days Pass By

At the beginning of the puasa month, my roommate and I made plans to go to the Pasar Ramadhan near the Ipoh Stadium.

The puasa month is almost ending.
We have still not been there, and I doubt that we will have a chance to go there.

It's just that something always comes up and we keep postponing the visit.
The fact that it rains quite often in the evenings does not help either.
Well, maybe we can go for it next year; we'll still be here then.

Today, on an impulse, a few of us decided to go for a movie - The Ugly Truth.
It is a girly kind of movie, and only us girls are going.
Hopefully, it will be a nice movie.

Well, nothing much has been going on.
It's going to be raya soon, so we will have a shortage of housemen for quite a few days.
Hopefully there won't be many admissions.
*fingers crossed*

Here are some jokes...hope you like them..

Marriage (Part I )
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it!
Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night....whether you're here or not.'

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
Marriage (Part II)


Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
************ ********* ********* ********* **
Marriage (Part III)


Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

************ ********* ********* ********* **
Marriage (Part IV)


A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party.
The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shout s right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

************ ********* ********* ********* **
THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 A M.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

************ ********* ********* ********* **
God may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Jokes - 18SX

Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!

Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...

New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.

Why is sex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again...

Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.

Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.

Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it is SHOWTIME!

Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later

Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!

My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise . Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!