I really wonder what is wrong with me. Why is it so hard for me to make a conversation with someone? Why can I chat/send messages without any problem, but when I am in front of a person I just don’t seem to be able to talk about anything?
I went to 2 different tadikas with completely different sets of people; I changed schools 3 times and each time knew no one in my new school and when I came to Russia, once again- a new set of people. I would expect myself to be used to making friends and be able to have a proper conversation without much effort. It is not so, however. When I meet someone new, or someone I am not very close with I become silent – this makes people think I am a quiet person, which is not who I am.
It’s not that I don’t want to talk, it’s just that I can’t ever think what to say. Maybe I can manage a few sentences, but never more than that. Never more than a few basic questions for small talk; after that I am at a loss. When the other party asks me a question, as I answer, I wonder whether the person really wants to hear my rantings and I try my best not to bore them by keeping my answers short. This means, not only I don’t make conversation, I also thwart the effort put in by the other party to have a proper conversation.
Do you know what’s the worst part of this disability of mine? I don’t just go mute in front of strangers, it happens even when I’m talking to someone I am not very close with – a friend or a relative. It’s like I have to really get to know a person and be comfortable enough with them before my brain actually starts functioning. And when it reaches that stage, people find it hard to make me stop talking. In short, the closer you are to me, the noisier I become.
I used to be terrible in making conversations. Now, I am just bad at it. It is an improvement, really. I wonder how people who have just met or who are not close friends can talk and talk when all I can do is listen to them at it. Will I ever be able to be like that? It’s not really that I mind it that much, not being able to converse freely, but I don’t want to make the other party feel awkward, don’t want them to think that I am too proud to talk to them because it is quite obvious that I am quite talkative when with friends. I don’t want the other party to think that they are boring me. *sigh*
Is there something wrong with me or is it a completely normal thing? Are there others like me out there?
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4 comments:
I find this very effective:
Be pretentious and fake your personality. In fact, go big! Act like some high class person. Ppl will definitely talk to you for the 1st encounter. well, 2nd and 3rd, i'm not so sure about it anymore. After all, I only meet them once.
:P
I guess you're not alone.. Me myself is somewhat like this too... One of the most awkward moment that I would always wanna avoid is to be standing next to someone I'm not really close to in the metro..(especially when the journey is long) ... haha the typical me will always try to find an empty seat or crack my head out to start a conversation..
hehehe....
I am facing that problem in my first moments in F6 now, since I am transferred from other school to my current school.
I think, be natural is the best thing to do la. Don't make yourself so high, and don't fake yourself (sorry 3point8).
Time will come. No need to worry. :D
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